![]() We're already viewing these out of context, but if you imagine them as scenes from a narrative film, it's the best arthouse movie ever. His face is a skull and he sounds as though he's made out of garbage cans and autumn leaves. Just please let this happen in real life.Ī man falls from a roof and briefly becomes stuck in a streetlight before falling to the street below. Make The Protector 5 and have him do it to a guy who makes a staunchly anti-elephant joke. :59: Possibly the greatest kung fu move in history. It's worth noting at this point that Helix Snake arranged these clips in order, from his least to his most favorite captures in the game. :54: There is just so much going on here, but it all leads to the first legitimate outright staged joke in the video. Can I get a refund please? Who taught you guys how to incept? Sheesh. I think something is wrong with this inception. If you manage to bounce an NPC from a bench seat to a bench back, you win bonus points! Ī character lands badly, half-sticks in a planter box and then the planter box begins slowly sliding away across the pavement. Park benches hurt you, but will also fly away like dandelion fluff if you nudge them.ģ. There is a "free-roam" portion where skateboards don't have to be involved at all.Ģ. Okay, let's try to puzzle out some more things about this game, based on what just happened here.ġ. :20: Say, my friend is on that bench! I think I'll stop by and say hello! I'm going to further assume that every character in the game is Steve-O. I'm going to assume the point of the game is to ollie so hard that you escape the inexorable ennui of existence. Skate or Die as captured by Bergman and written by Lynch. This is the Event Horizon of skateboarding games. Merely an ominous rush of wind and an endless, horrific echo. We suddenly notice that the stands of the arena are empty and there is no score, nor any music. Slowly, eerily, the skater rights himself, sticks the landing and celebrates. The character flies back, upside down, at an angle, while his board disappears into the air. We now have our first hint that something MAY be SLIGHTLY SCREWY with the physics of this game. The skateboarder hits the bottom of the ramp, which ends in a half pipe on its side. (As an(other) aside, is "Paperclips" a really lazy spoof of "Staples," or is it perfect and brilliant in its simplicity? We will literally never know.) this arena might be meant to approximate the Staples Center? But if that's the case, why is the wraparound scoreboard advertising the "LAND SHARKS"? this is a play on the office supply store "Staples" and 2. There are also signs for "Paperclips," rendered in purple and gold, which leads me to believe that 1. There is the standard video game trope of a fake food sponsor with a sign for "BACONCAKES," which also doubles as fulfilling the standard video game/Internet trope of "lol bacon." Really firing on all cylinders here. The scoreboards and advertisements give us a bit of insight into the game itself. :00: We begin with an insanely long ramp that appears to extend from the upper reaches of a massive stadium. In addition to our normal assortment of observations and deep thoughts, of course. Since I've never played Skate 3 myself, I'm going to just extrapolate aspects of the game from the video as we go along. Let's dig into this, shall we? Since this video is longer than most videos we feature on ENHANCE, it's going to take more than one article to tackle this in its entirety. Luckily, an intrepid YouTube user by the name of HelixSnake has been kind enough to compile over 10 minutes of clips from a video game called Skate 3 and has uploaded that compilation to the Internet. While some of my favorite video games of all time are installments in the Tony Hawk series, I remain a staunch novice in the world of other skateboarding games - unless we're counting the skateboard portion of California Games for the Sega Master System.
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